Is it possible to find joy in the face of adversity?

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Winnie

Here’s today’s reading from the New Testament:

James 1:2-8, 16-18 (NRSV)

2 My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; 4and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. 6 But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; , 8 for the doubter, being doubleminded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 

 As if living your faith isn’t hard enough.  We’re supposed to consider our trials joyful?

This was something that was always a mystery when I was a kid. Why would I be happy when someone was mean to me or when I didn’t do well on a test.  I certainly didn’t see joy when my dad died when I was 14.

How do you find joy in trial?

For now, let’s just start by thinking about how we can be positive and faithful during times of trial.

In the Old Testament the phrase “be of good courage” is used 16 times.

Winston Churchill, author and the former Prime Minister of Great Britain, says that “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities…because it is the quality that guarantees all others.”

The poet, Maya Angelou says, “Courage is the most important of the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue.

I don’t think you can do anything unless you’re courageous to a certain degree.

And how does someone become courageous?

I think that happens when you don’t just believe you’re going to overcome the trial you’re facing. You know you will. You trust God will give the strength and ability. And you act as if you have that strength and ability. You confidently move forward and take action.

And how does this relate to our life at work, on the job or in our business?

Work is nothing but trials, isn’t it? Or work lives – like our home lives – are filled with problems that must be dealt with and overcome.

We face a choice every time we’ve got a problem. We can either focus on the lesson to be learned and come through it a bigger, better person; or we can wallow in the challenge and let it drag us down.

So when you’re faced with a trial of any sort, ask God for strength – to not just get through the trial but to thrive as a result. And I know that can be hard to believe when you’re in the moment of trial.

There were lots of trials in my life where I could have easily gotten knocked down and stayed down…my dad dying….losing jobs…big bills…and certainly my car accident and the struggle to recover…

But I didn’t. I wouldn’t let myself stay trapped in a negative mindset. (That doesn’t mean I never had negative thoughts, was never sad, and never wondered how I’d get out of something.)

I think having faith – trusting God, trusting yourself, and engaging in prayer combined with positive self-talk – helps you find the joy in trials and adversity, whether at work or at home.

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What’s a “personal brand” and how does it apply to faith?

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Winnie

The term brand usually makes you think about a business’ logo -- the visual icon that represents the business’ name in our mind.

The red and white bull’s eye of Target or the hourglass bottle of Coke for example.

But a brand is much more than that. It’s really the reputation that business has in the mind of those in the marketplace, whether that business sells to other businesses or direct to consumers.

But people have reputations too. And we especially have reputations in the workplace.

This legendary article by management guru, Tom Peters, is generally credited with coining the phrase and the concept of a “personal brand”.

While many people resist that label because they believe the concept makes them some sort of commodity, the fact of the matter is each of us DOES have a reputation.

People talk about us. An image and thoughts pop into their heads when they hear our name.

They get a feeling when they think about us.

Think about it. When you’re at work and someone suggests Dave be put on your project team and you grown inside….THAT’S Dave’s brand speaking loudly.

It’s his reputation in the marketplace.

Our brains need to organize the never-ending stream of information that comes in, so the concepts of brands and branding make complete sense from an information organization standpoint.

So how does this relate to faith at work?

Well, if Dave’s personal brand is such that the thought of him on your project team makes you grown, then how did that brand image get out there? And what’s YOUR brand?

Our brands are developed by a combination of things — our physical appearance, what we say, what we do, the work we produce, and other subtleties.

These all combine to form our reputation…the conversation we leave people with, if you will.

I think each of us needs to give thought to how we’re perceived in life and at work — is our reputation…our “personal brand” if you will…the reputation we want it to be.

How do you want to be described and is that in fact how people describe you?

Is it important that people describe you as a faithful person at work or is it enough to just be known by specific characteristics like honest, trustworthy, dependable, kind…?

 

 

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Always choose kindness, even in email

Posted on April 29, 2012 by Winnie

don't send email when angryMary, a client (not her real name), blind copied me on an email she sent to a young woman who Mary had hired to do some graphic design work.

I was shocked to read what she wrote.

She called this young woman – let’s call her Jane – “unprofessional” and “unethical”.

Yikes. And that wasn’t all she said.

I’m not going to psychoanalyze Mary here. Who knows why she blind copied me. I didn’t ask her. It might have been an accident. Maybe she thought I’d agree with her assessment of the situation.

We’ve all had moments when we’ve said something we shouldn’t in an email or not expressed our thoughts clearly.

And while we each tell ourselves that we would never let our emotions get the better of us and let someone have it in an email, studies have proven that in the heat of the moment it’s all too easy to lose control. (To learn more about how we can do things we’d like to think we wouldn’t, pick up a copy of the book, Predictably Irrational, Revised and Expanded Edition: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions
).

So here are some thoughts to help you remain vigilant in your effort to align your beliefs with your actions, when sending email when you’re upset.

  1. Take a deep breath.  Studies have shown that one of the reasons smokers report the act of smoking relaxes them is the action of breathing deeply. It really does relax us. So when you see an email in your inbox from someone who annoys you or you receive an email that’s full of negativity, before you hit <Reply> and let them have it, take at least 30 seconds to close your eyes and take a few very deep breaths.
  2. See things from their point of view. Most of us have fairly solid egos, and our first reaction may be “how dare she say that!” but a defensive reaction doesn’t help. The primary objective of a faithful person is to radiate the light of God’s love at all times. So ask yourself — what could the sender be going through on their end? Is the boss pressuring them? Are they terribly short-handed and stressed? Maybe they’re sick.When I was a trainer working at a casino hotel in Atlantic City, NJ we taught people at all levels to use phrases like, “I can appreciate how __________ you must feel” (fill in the blank with whatever emotion the other person is demonstrating.); and “I can understand how ___________ you feel”. These statements help the other person recognize you’re interpreting their emotions and they can also see how they were coming across. This helps the person recognize they may be coming on stronger than they wanted to.
  3. Apologize. You probably did nothing wrong, but you can be sorry the person is upset. A gesture of kindness can go along way. “I’m sorry you’re upset” is a nice thing to say.
  4. To explain or not to explain.  This is the tough part. We want to prove to the other person that we’re right. We want to defend ourselves.  You’ve got to choose wisely here. Sometimes explaining only adds fuel to the fire. And the worst thing is to quote a policy and give the impression you’re hiding behind that. So at this point, decide if explaining things would make it better or would actually make it worse. When in doubt, go back to Number 1 and take some more deep breaths.
  5. Break the email chain. I think email often gives people an excuse to be nastier than they normally would be. It’s seemingly anonymous even though we cognitively know there’s a person on the other end receiving it. When you can, pick up the phone and discuss the problem with the person. Better yet, go to their office. But be prepared with everything you need and be committed to being the bigger person.
  6. Pray. Ask for strength, wisdom, and the right words. My favorite prayer is The Prayer of Saint Francis.  You don’t have to even say the whole thing. Just pull out the lines that are important to you at the time:Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    Where there is sadness, joy.
    O Divine Master,
    Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood, as to understand;
    to be loved, as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive.
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
  7. Ask yourself what’s at stake here.  We tend to respond emotionally in a situation where we feel threatened somehow.  How could the sender feel threatened? Why do you feel threatened right now as a result of receiving the email?  It’s so easy to get sucked into worrying about our jobs and income but if you believe that God is with you then what are you worrying about?
  8. Don’t be so sensitive.Seriously. People don’t wake up in the morning wondering how they can make you miserable or hurt your feelings (although I know some days it really does feel like that!).  We’re all in a hurry. We all feel overworked and underpaid. The person probably didn’t mean to hurt you even if things came out that way. The only thing that can hurt you are your thoughts and what you tell yourself about what was said.I sent a request to an internet guru through her help ticket system on her website. I asked her to read and endorse my book. Her assistant told me she’d present the request to the guru but since the guru’s busy “don’t hold your breath.” Ouch. I’m sure she didn’t mean that as snippy as it came across.
  9. Forgive. This is one of the hardest things required of us as people of faith.  Yes, maybe the other person has attacked you unfairly and over-reacted.  We’ve all done that haven’t we? How can we ask for forgiveness if we can’t give it?
  10. Protect yourself. This might seem like a paradox; but even though you have faith you still lock your doors don’t you? I believe those locks are little pieces of God. They’re His hand made visible. So don’t think I’m telling you to commit career suicide here. You’re the one in the situation and in the moment. But protecting yourself involves growing in faith and reflecting on the inconsistencies shown by being fearful of something you shouldn’t be afraid of.

When we strive to genuinely align our faith and beliefs with our actions that means we need to be the bigger person in every situation.

Posted in Anger and Wrath | Leave a comment

What does Lent mean to you?

Posted on March 11, 2012 by Winnie

When I was growing up Lent was a time of fish on Fridays, giving up chocolate or some other favorite treat, and getting ashes on your forehead on Ash Wednesday.

As I got older and went out on my own I still kept those traditions but I did that really because they were traditions, not because of any meaning behind them.

Several years ago the priest at the church I attended suggested that, instead of giving something up for Lent, we take something ON during those 40 days.

He felt that would be more of a Christ-like challenge for us since our lives are so full already.

He believed that no matter what we did…read scriptures every day, volunteer more often, speak kindlier to someone who annoys us…it would help us focus on the challenge of applying our faith in our lives.

I loved that idea and, while I no longer attend church for many reasons, I still try to connect with the church calendar and seasons. I know I’ve fallen down on the job of connecting faith with my actions recently and I’m committed to renewing my faith during this season of Lent.

How about you? Are you taking something on, giving something up, or otherwise trying to deepen your faith connection during the season of Lent?

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